


Years of Living

by orphan_account



Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, all events lead to everything happening in the running man fandom right now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:05:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kim Jong Kook will love Song Ji Hyo 'till the day he dies. Alternatively, Kim Jong Kook spends too much thinking 'what if' than actually doing shit.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, it's Gi with a new story ! sorry for those people waiting for the NYSM updates haha ! this is an entirely new concept for me, but I ship Spartace so much I couldn't help it.  
> Enjoy and tell me your thoughts !  
> xx G

Jong Kook first meets Ji Hyo on Family Outing, is immediately drawn to the feminine-looking woman, and is shocked to see the drastic difference of her physical appearance to her actual personality. She is fiery, unlike most graceful Korean women, and knows what she wants. He was only attracted to her appearance, but after hearing the first offhand comment she makes of Jae Suk's dancing, is positively sure that she is the one for him. 

But fate pulls them away, and Jong Kook doesn't see her again. Daesung laughs at him when he explains his dilemma, and only says, "You should've asked her out when you had the chance, hyung." 

He inwardly winces, punching himself for not doing so. 

 

 

He meets her again more than a year later, and she is just as beautiful as he remembers. He is deliriously overjoyed when he hears that she is becoming a permanent member on Running Man, and is beyond sour and angry when Gary points and voices out all the thoughts he's ever had of her. She laughs at him, and she smiles brighter than ever, and that is the moment his heart breaks. He feels it, and Jae Suk sees it. The older man comforts him, with words of, "She'll see it, she'll see it, just you wait. She'll realize what she's been looking for is right in front of her face." 

He doesn't know what's gotten into him, how he's fallen so fast and why. He is thirty-five years old, too old for a game of love, and far too mature to act the way Gary does around her. She is a goddess, and he will stay her servant until she sees more light in him. For now, he will watch her every move, and will try to take pleasure in her directed gentle smiles and holding her hand to make sure she doesn't fall. He knows he is leading her to another man, and right now, he doesn't care. She is happy, and he will not rip away joy from her fingers. 

He is not in love with her, but a little voice in his head adds the word 'yet' to the statement. 

 

She is smiling at him during a cast dinner the first time Gary tells her he loves her. She becomes flustered, breaks their eye contact and doesn't know what to say. Everyone is glued to their seats, eyes switching between Ji Hyo and Gary and Jong Kook like an intense badminton match. 

Whoever's up there, bless Ha Dong Hoon. The said man breaks the silence with a, "So, Ji Hyo, whaddya say ?" with pretend overeagerness. Ji Hyo isn't close enough to Dong Hoon to see past his fake enthusiasm. 

She stutters out a, "I-I'm not sure h-how to feel about that, Gary-oppa." And because Jong Kook is crazy, he says, "You should say yes. Gary's a good guy." He has brought this upon himself, and when the end comes, this is the moment he most regrets.

Kwang Soo and Joong Ki exchange looks of disbelief, and Suk Jin laughs mirthlessly. Jae Suk looks upon them disappointedly when Ji Hyo smiles an, "I'll think about it, then." and Gary yells out happiness. 

The nation's MC pretends to congratulate Gary, and afterwards, he offers to drive Jong Kook home. The singer tries to refuse, but the older man insists, and that's how they find each other back at Jae Suk's place drinking his most expensive bottle of chamisul. 

"You should tell her." 

"I'll ruin everything." 

"What have you got to lose ?" 

"Her." 

 

He should've seen it coming. Jong Kook should've seen the PD's milking Ji Hyo and Gary's supposed love affair. They're calling them the Monday Couple, and Jong Kook can't bring himself to scoff at the same because he's been imagining himself and Ji Hyo being the said couple. 

He still should've seen it coming. X-Man brought him and Eun Hye to do it, and now Running Man's making Gary and Ji Hyo do it, and the only thing that differs is that Gary has developed genuine feelings for the actress. 

Jong Kook settles for the smiles off camera, and the hand-holding Ji Hyo marks as brotherly. He cannot bring himself to say that it is not, and that sibling-like hand-holding is that of her and Kwang Soo, or her and Joong Ki, and never him, because dear lord, he's hopelessly in love with her. He is hopelessly in love with Cheon Seong Im, in love with Song Ji Hyo. 

He does not know when he started, and does not wish to stop. He realized that it could happen the second she jumped ship to Running Man, and didn't stop it. He chose to love her, and will have to bear with the consequences of his actions. He tries his best not to look heartbroken when he is grouped with the Monday Couple on a special episode with Kim Byung Man, and tries his best to sell his jealousy as variety discomfort towards the couple. He entertains Jae Suk and Haha's attempt of getting him to smile by singing Loveable, and even pretends to reminisce on the Turbo days by dancing Black Cat with the reggae singer and allowing the MC and Suk Jin to sing Twist King. He pretends he doesn't watch Ji Hyo and her little exercise dance and the way her body moves. 

He is thirty-six now, and too old to be selfish. 

 

He has grown up, but there are days he cannot take it. There are days he packs an overnight bag and drives to Dong Hoon's. The man will pop open a bottle of alcohol and call Kwang Soo, Joong Ki, Jae Suk and Suk Jin over, and they will all try to beat Jong Kook into telling her. He'll laugh into his glass, and say no, because he's a coward and he loves her and he doesn't want to break Gary's trust. The rapper has become a close friend of his, and he does not wish to ruin his friendship with him. 

The men cower at the sound of the other man, and feel guilty for choosing the singer's side instead of him, but they cannot be blamed. They have history. 

He pretends to ignore and not mind all the innuendos Gary makes about Ji Hyo when the show is airing, and ignores the pain in his heart the time he sees their show episode. Gary and Ji Hyo are looking at a three carat ring, joking about getting married. 

He does not talk to any of the members for the next week until shooting. When he arrives, they are all worried, and ask about his health, his wellbeing, if the hours he spends in the gym has finally taken a toll. He'll smile and say no, and watch Ji Hyo's worry slide away. He wishes there would be a time she would worry for him not because of his week long absence. Gary pats him on the back, and Haha ushers him into the changing room. The younger man's agitation makes him truly feel guilty. He assures the man that he is alright, and he carries on shooting as usual. He portrays his regular "Commander" role, and is thankful that everyone else has slid into their usual portraying. 

He pretends to bully Kwang Soo as usual, and the other man frames Ji Hyo. At least he is able to keep his feelings to himself during shooting, and has not lost the last string of his consciousness to the woman. 

 

He is not jealous, he tries to tell himself, he is not jealous of Gary and not jealous of Chang Wook. He is not jealous of the closeness they have with Ji Hyo. But then again, he was never good at lying. 

He does not cry, because he is far too old for this. But how long has he been doing this ? Using his age as an excuse to not pursue her. He has driven her into the arms of others, and can only blame himself. He is far too old to be in love, far too old to be on variety shows. He understands now why Suk Jin-hyung had wanted to quit. He stays anyway, because the godforsaken show is the only thing that links him and her. He is alright with everything. 

He is alright when Ji Hyo finally accepts Gary's feelings off camera, and is alright the first time she pushes her way into his apartment drunk after their first fight. 

Because he is a fool, he entertains her sobbing and complaining, and ignores the breath that's hitched in his throats when she says, "Sometimes I wish he was more like you, Jong Kook-oppa. I wish he was more like you." 

He smiles at her, he will always be the better man, and replies, "You don't wish that, you really don't. You want him just the way he is, because that's who you fell in love with." 

He leaves her on his couch wrapped tightly in a blanket and calls her boyfriend. 

"Gary-yah, come and get your girlfriend." 

"Hyung, I've ruined it all, what should I do ?" Gary moans from the other side of the telephone. Jong Kook wishes he could punch the other man. 

"Tell her you love her. It always works." 

"Thanks, hyung, I'll be there in a while." 

While he waits, he allows the dreams in his head to play in action. He sits beside her sleeping frame, plays with her hair. He pretends that this is just another day after shooting, and that she is his. This is the only time he can afford to be selfish. 

All his dreams vanish when his doorbell rings and he sees Gary look at Ji Hyo. The other man is also hopelessly in love with the woman. This is a testament of his love. He will move away from her, anything to make her happy. 

He pretends he isn't overjoyed when the couple fight right there in his apartment and officially call it quits. 

But he should've known not to get his hopes up. 

Ji Hyo is revealed to be dating her agency's CEO a month later. 

 

Kwang Soo cannot bear to be annoyed with his Ji Hyo-noona, and Joong Ki has left for the army. Gary is still head-over-heels in love with her, and the producers make the love-line one-sided. Jae Suk and Suk Jin entertain the couple on camera, as does Jong Kook, the best he can. 

Running Man will last forever, he thinks, but so will this heartbreak. 

 

"It's over." Haha smiles at him. 

"What is ?" 

"Look." The man whips out his phone, scrolls down a while and clicks a few buttons. He shows him an article on soompi.com, with the headline splashed out, "Song Ji Hyo and CEO Boyfriend Calls It Quits !". 

Jong Kook smiles, and shuts off the phone, tossing it back at his friend. 

"I thought you'd be happier than this !" 

"Is it even going to change anything ?" 

"It changed everything ! You can finally tell her ! Me and Kwang Soo have the best plan ever—"

"It doesn't change anything, because in her eyes, I'm nothing more than a friend."

"She'll see you differently, just you wait." 

"She won't, and you know it. I appreciate it, Dong Hoon, I do, but it's okay. As long as she's happy, it's alright."

He walks away, the flickering hope in his heart blowing out with the reality of his words. He is thirty-eight now. 

 

He dances with her in Race Start!, smiles at her, tries to push down the giddiness in his chest when she leans on his shoulder. Suk Jin looks at him knowingly, and the members rejoice on stage. Gary looks at him enviously, but he wants to charge at the other man. He gets to be loving with her on camera, Jong Kook can only off camera, his affections seen as brotherly. And so, Jong Kook sweeps her off her feet, literally, wearing a Gary mask, carries her off stage. She smiles, exhilarated, saying, "That was fun !" 

He smiles back. "That was." 

"Jong Kook-oppa, do you want to get a drink with me later ?" 

This was it. 

"Sure." 

 

As he is getting ready for his night with Ji Hyo, Haha messages him. It is a link. He presses on it, and it is yet another article on soompi.com, but of Ji Hyo and Chen Bo Lin's marriage on We Got Married. 

He calls Ji Hyo, saying he is unwell, and she worriedly asks if he wants her to come down there. God, he wants to say yes. He says no. 

 

Gary takes the marriage harder, probably exaggeration. One last date, he pushes, one last date for the Monday Couple. Jae Suk complies hesitantly, looking at Jong Kook for approval. He nods alright. 

Jae Suk pretends to think hard and long when choosing partners, choosing Kwang Soo, who shouts yes with confusion in his eyes. Gary and Ji Hyo spend their last day as the Monday Couple, swinging hands with their perfect collaboration. They beat Kwang Soo and Jae Suk. 

Once the episode ends, Jong Kook sees a doctor. The doctor examines his muscles, his bones, schedules an x-ray, and reports that his age has taken a toll on his activities. His muscles have weakened, and his bones become fragile. He is thirty-nine, relatively too young for this. 

Jae Suk and Kwang Soo come over later that night, Suk Jin unable to come, and ask how the appointment went. Jae Suk wipes away Kwang Soo's tears, and the younger man cries for his brother. 

Jong Kook says he is alright, and all he has to do is lay off so much of his exercise. He knows his end is coming. Without his body, he is nothing. He takes pleasure in what he knows is his last episodes on Running Man. 

It shocks him when Gary leaves the show six months later. The man has gotten sick of fame for only a variety show and not his music. 

"It's been years since I've won a MAMA, hyung, it's time for me to get back into the game, while I still can."

The cast bids him goodbye, and Jong Kook can see his end even faster. He becomes bolder in his moves with Ji Hyo, holding her hand more, hugging her more, spending more time with her. 

He wakes up to an article on his phone, and numerous text messages. 

"BREAKING NEWS : RUNNING MAN STARS KIM JONG KOOK AND SONG JI HYO KICKED OUT OF THE SHOW ?". 

Ji Hyo ? 

 

Everyone meets up at Jae Suk's, and they all take careful consideration in all the words they are going to say. 

Kwang Soo yells out, "I'm not going to do this show if they are being kicked out." 

Jae Suk and Suk Jin voice out their similar thoughts. Ji Hyo tries to refuse it, and she looks so, so sad. Her eyes are bloodshot and rimming with tears. 

"No, this is it. We knew it was coming." Jae Suk says. They all spend their last moments in silence, before laughing. 7012 wasn't going to last forever, but they could make the most of their last days together. 

 

They go on the SBS Entertainment Awards, telling the producers to pull them out of every category. The winner of the night is Kwang Soo, who wins the best male performance on a variety show. The man cries on stage, and thanks every single one of them, promises to end the show well. Ji Hyo cries, and Jong Kook can do nothing but watch. 

Afterwards, she smiles at him. God, he is so in love. 

 

The next episodes pass by like a breeze. Running Man is over. He is still in love with her. She is not in love with him. 

Jong Kook will love Ji Hyo 'till his last breath. 

He is disrupted by his doorbell ringing. He frowns, checking his watch. 1:56, who would be up this late ? 

He opens the door, and his breath stops. 

Ji Hyo. 

"H-hey, oppa. Can I come in ?" 

"Sure." Jong Kook moves away and closes the door after the woman has slipped into his home. 

"Do you know what happened today ?" She says, looking around the room.

"What ?" Jong Kook asks.

"Gary asked me to marry him." His heart stops, but he does his best to disguise it. 

"What did you say ?" 

"I told him I'd think about it. What do you think I should say ?" 

"What do you mean ?" He says, crossing his arms, because she isn't really asking him. He knows her well enough to know she knows her answer. 

"I've asked Jae Suk-hyung, Suk Jin-hyung, Haha-hyung, Go Eun-unnie, Kwang Soo and Joong Ki. They all spluttered similar undistinguishable sentences before telling me to follow my heart. So that leaves me you. And I know you'd answer what you really think." 

"I think," Jong Kook swallows everything he has : his pride, his love his heart, "you should do what you think. It's never failed you so far." 

"But all of those choices have led to this exact moment, and my gut is telling me that I should ask you, because who knows me better than you ?" 

"You-you should do whatever's best for you." Jong Kook says. 

"What if," Ji Hyo steps closer to him, and he does his best not to waver, because he shouldn't want her so close, not like this, not when she could be married next year, not when she could be engaged. "what's right and what's best for me isn't the same thing ?" 

Jong Kook looks away, and thinks that this moment is the moment he is supposed to tell her he loves her. But he has always been a coward, and has always loved her too much to see her at crossroads when the most obvious answer is not him. 

"You should marry him, Ji Hyo." 

He knows what she wants. She wants a husband, a baby, everything that's too late with someone like him. 

She frowns, and turns away. She walks out of his house, out of his life. 

Dong Hoon calls him a few minutes later. 

"Kookie-yah, what did you do ? Ji Hyo just came in crying asking for Go Eun." 

"I told her to marry him." 

"You idiot !" 

"He's what she needs."

"He's not what she wants."

He's not what she wants ? 

"Dong Hoon, I'm coming over. Tell her to stay there." 

He hears his friend whooping, saying a rushed affirmative response, and not even a minute later, Jae Suk, Suk Jin, Kwang Soo and Joong Ki text that they'll be at Haha's as well. 

He gets in his car, and drives as fast as he can to Haha's apartment. He rings the doorbell and his heart thumps erratically. This is the moment he's been waiting for for six years. 

Dong Hoon opens the door and pushes him through. He nods a hello to Go Eun, who's holding the baby, smiling excitedly. 

He sees her. He sees Ji Hyo on the couch. 

"Took you long enough." She smiles. 

"I love you." He says.

"I know. I love you too, for the longest time, I swear I've been waiting forever for you to do something." He walks up to her and kisses her. He doesn't stop when the doorbell starts ringing, and doesn't stop when he hears the rest of his friends whooping and screaming out congratulations. 

When he finally pulls away, he is happy. 

But Gary waltzes in the apartment after that. He takes a look at the scene before him, and understands. 

"Gary-yah, I'm sorry, but you know very well I'm not the one for you." Ji Hyo says, getting up the couch. 

"Yeah, I figured. I always knew Jong Kook-hyung had a thing for you. Sorry, hyung." 

"It's okay." He says, smiling awkwardly at the man. 

"Congratulations." The rapper says, "I'm happy for you guys." 

"Thanks." They say in unison. They smile at each other and Jong Kook pulls Ji Hyo into his chest. 

"I'll be fine with this in a while," Gary says, "I'm genuinely very happy for you two. Next time, though, I would like to be invited to Jong Kook-hyung's love life crisis sleepovers." 

"You guys had sleepovers ?" Ji Hyo laughs. 

Jong Kook groans in embarrassment and everyone cheers. 

This is the moment he's been waiting for. This makes all his years of living worth it. He's happy, with the love of his life in his arms. He's happy. 

Kim Jong Kook will love Song Ji Hyo 'till the day he dies, and he says the vow on the day of his wedding. He is forty-one, too old to be getting married, but he is, and he sees everyone he loves, especially her. 

This is what heaven truly is.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading ! tell me your thoughts !
> 
> xx G


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